Day Eight: Tokyo

Well, we woke up ready for our last day in Japan, and ready for some sight seeing. Now, Tokyo is famous for many things... Samurais, Tea Houses, Beautiful Temples and Shrines, World Class Cuisine, but there is really only place that interests me. As a nerd, you hear tales of places so magical, so transcendant, soooo awesome that they defy the imagination.

So, while in Tokyo, what would be the very first place an electrical engineer and his otaku/computer programmin' son make a beeline to?

"FABRIC TOWN!?!?! (Throws down racket) You CAN'T be serious? Ah, fuck!"

To be honest, both of our better halves are avid sewers/knitters/quilters what have you, and we've been meaning to find a kind of place where we can find some stuff to bring home and make us heroes in the eyes of our lady friends. It's why were supposed to go to Kyoto last night, but circumstances made us abort that mission.

So, Tokyo's Fabric Town is the place to be, I guess. I was STILL tired from my insane sight-seeing pace all this week, and breakfast of a shitty Au Lait and a stale cinnamon roll didn't help me from being cranky, so I was a little bitch this morning. Roll all of that with childhood flashbacks (even despite her NOT being here!) of watching my mom's purse at a fabric store while she dove through rolls and rolls of fabric didn't help from keeping me from flipping out either. Such is bipolar disorder, I guess.

Well, we've been leaving earlier and earlier every day and we had a chance to walk around the area where Nippori Station was.

"Truth be told, there's not enough yarn in the world for my Jabba-esque Pug."

FLAG! "After further review, the ruling on the field is, 'No Ma'am, we do NOT want to taste you'. The Home Team will be penalized 10 yards. Repeat the down."

"Hey, guess what you can find at Fabric Town?"

The problem with fabric town was, it had a severe dearth of yarn. So we rolled on down the Yamanote line to Shinjuku Station, the World's Busiest Rail Connection.

"Pffft. That's It? I've seen bigger crowds after Chicago Sky games."

To be fair, 11 on a Saturday is not a fair judge of busy-ness. So we walked across the street to Tokyo's six story arts and crafts monolith and found this:

Yep... yarn. Well, that's what we're about. Mission. Accomplishment. Well, what to do, what to do, what do? Let me think... what could we check out next?

Oh hey, this map says "Akihabara" is around here some place.

"When Geeks pray, they face in this direction..."

Electric Town, Akiba, Akihabara or just "That place that smells like B.O. all the time" to the locals is probably the main thing that got me excited about this trip. Most neighborhoods in most cities are "Hey, this where the Swedish folks live, this is where the Mexicans live..." because they all wanted to go to the same church, then eat the same food, then work the same kinds of jobs. So every neighborhood had it's own butcher shop, haberdasher, law office.

But in Asia, where the centralizing force of the church is mostly absent, the neighborhoods are mostly laid out like "This is the food street, this is the fabric street" and so on. So after the war, with Japanese people rebuilding, they set up a neighborhood to resell radio equipment and watches, cameras, and other consumer goods. And this is what you end up getting today: A place for every nerd to find cool stuff cheap.

Dad explained it better. It's basically a massive open air flea market for electronics and gadgets. The SciFi manga, "Gothic Lolita" and maid cafes, western fast food joints, arcades, and basic "spectacle" popped up because it kept the technical people who fueled Japan's post-war comeback entertained. And despite all the cool throwback gaming, weird costumes, and stuff, the best parts of Akihabara were when it reminded us of some long-ago marketplace you see in the movies like Aladdin or Gladiator. Except with little devices, machines, and gadgets instead of food and textiles.

The main roads had your giant "Big Box" electronics places, like your Best Buys or OfficeMax. But the things we both loved were sticking our heads BEHIND the main roads, in the warrens, rat tunnels, and tight back alleys where all sorts of crazy stalls had every kind of electrical supply imaginable.

Soldering Guns? Oh yeah. Fiber Optic Lighting Cable? How long do you need it? Telescopes? Rice Cookers? Spy Cameras? Yes, yes, and yes.

I've been nervous about taking pictures in some places, so sorry I couldn't get a good picture of this gadget. It's called a "Stun Call" and it's a taser that's mocked up to look like a flip phone. Good luck accidentally answering that one in the middle of the night.

"Not for the Claustrophobic."

This would be a good time to point out that the place was PACKED with people of every race and nationality, and the Asian kids kept shoving me and putting their arm in the small of my already sore back . Yet when I shove back to get to something, suddenly *I'M* the asshole... the double standard between Japanese and Gaijin sucks.

This device (Illegal in the U.S.) automatically disconnects any cell phone you point it at.

"WHO in the hell still needs vacuum tubes?!?!"

And now for confession time. I'm beat. My dad is beat. We're tired of looking for places to eat that suits both of us, exhausted from all the travel and walking, and getting kind of homesick. It's basically time to go home. So we were bad. We did the worst sin imaginable in my Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations" ethic: We had KFC for lunch.

Now, before we get lynched, let me point out that:

- It tasted different. Oil, chicken quality, everything. This is a good thing because apparently Japan has better food standards than us.

-Portions were small. This is fine, we could both stand to not each as much.

- Immediately after every "Western" meal either one of us eat, we both feel loggy and weird for a while. But Japanese food? Somehow it's more delicate for some reason. I can't explain. But you don't feel like you need a nap and some fresh air after eating Japanese style. You feel full, but not to the point you're about to burst.

"Giants bins of random crap? Yes please!"

This country is WAY to casual about porn, nudity, and sex."

"Yeah this thing is popular for SOME reason. They're street barkers for cafes where you over pay for cake and chocolate milk. Christ, no wonder we beat you in a war and not Vietnam or Iraq. Those countries are actually tough."

Arcades are almost extinct in America, but in Japan, they're HUGE. And "Hey" is the premier arcade in the world.

Fighting games often have a wait...

I had to get in on this.
Apparently this is where you pretend to pilot a Gundam.

I'm taking pictures behind them, because they charge to have their picture taken.

Here's something my programming professor would like: Linux Cafe, a place designated to promote open source coding and collaboration on codes and standards

"Super Potato? You're here in Tokyo too? We have to stop meeting like this. People will talk..."

"Remember the Virtual Boy? Nintendo would wish you wouldn't..."

Games after games after games. Most of which never made it to the U.S."

But Dad had a ton of cool things to see too. Hardware stores, electric testing equipment...

... Whole stores dedicated to robotics. Honestly, if us and Japan had to fight again, I doubt the US could withstand the coming army of mechsuits and cyborgs. Provided they aren't dressing up in frilly, frilly dresses that day.

Fer reals... robots are a huge deal here. Real and imaginary.

"Truth in advertising. How refreshing."

"Look out! It's PedoBear!" (Non-followers of super obscure internet memes should ignore that joke)

So as we were coming down to the end of our adventures, stuff all started coming together as a blur. Portable Storage sticks all look alike. And the here's a the worst news: For all the hype, most of the stuff was slightly cheaper in Den Den Town (despite it being much smaller), and none of it was cheaper than the equivalent in America. When I was researching HDTV's, The one I wanted to save up for was about $1700. But when I saw it here it was about 2300.

Same for cameras, phones, laptops, everything. No wonder I had so many foreigners come in when I worked at Best Buy. We're WAY cheaper than the supposedly ground zero of cheap electronics. So I came away both impressed and disappointed. Besides, how in the hell could we bring back EVERYTHING we wanted?

But I did see a toy store and had to go in. And again, I wasn't really allowed to take pictures, but...

They had EVERY Star Wars toy made since Episode I came out. Kit Fisto, Mace Windu, they're all here!

I could have spent hours in this store, browsing the descriptions and admiring the modeling. But dad was waiting downstairs, beat and tired from spending hours wandering just about every back alley of Akihabara and not even scratching the surface. Most shops had multiple floors and we just couldn't bring ourselves to climbing them all.

But in the Sports Figure section, I did notice:

"Cedric Benson? Hey, how about I give you 3200 yen and YOU keep him?"

Kids waiting for someone to leave a comic book store so they can get in. It's so crowded the occupancy laws required a bouncer...
And Dad won the "Best Purchase" battle. An "mp5" player with full motion video, speakers on the outside, touch screen, 2 GB of on board memory, and "As Long As You Love Me" by the Backstreet Boys preloaded. The downside of it is the construction is flimsy and the buttons sink when you push them like wet sand. But it was ONLY 3200 yen! Damn. For that money, he should have bought four and resold them for 5 times that here in the states.

The problem with this find is, surprises like this were few and far between. They had to be painstakingly hunted. Which is part of the fun when it's the Saturday Morning Computer Show in Orland Park. Not so much fun when it's the greatest place in the world for electronics.

Oh, and it started raining after we got back to the hotel. We went out for a quick bite, and I noticed something.

Something I always admire about Seattle and Chicago is that, when it rains, and unless you're wearing a suit or it's a total downpour, men in those towns don't carry umbrellas. I think umbrellas are girly. Well, within minutes, every guy in Tokyo whipped one out.

"It's a wonder they didn't give up Iwo Jima easier. Yeesh."

Exhausted from the trip, we returned to where we ate the first night we were here for our last big meal before we leave. If you notice in almost all our food photos, we're having beer. That's because I don't know what the Japanese word for "water" is. (iPod lookup... and apparently its "Mizu". Huh, well, too late for that now.)

"Arigato Goziamasu, Tempura Hitler!"

We then returned early, when everyone else was just starting to come out for a night on the town, to rest, pack, and watch bad Japanese television. Which reminds me, I'm tired of being the only person who's nightmares are fueled by this commercial:

Day Seven: Kobe-Osaka-Kobe-Tokyo

So today was another travel day, and Dad had some loose ends to wrap up at his conference, leaving me with a short period of time to do some stuff. I decided to jet on back to Osaka to take more pictures, see more crap I didn't see, and otherwise get my nerd on.

Breakfast was (dismissive wanking motion). Well, breakfast was breakfast. But we packed, got everything in order pretty well. I have SO much crap I didn't need, from a portable umbrella to a huge bag of bandaids that I debated jettisoning some stuff, but decided it could all fit.

Dad went to his meeting, and the plan was to meet back in the lobby by 3, hopefully Dad could wrap up his thing early, and we can swing by Kyoto, pick up some things at this awesome store I found for mom and Kelly, then hit the Shinkasen from Kyoto Station to Tokyo, hoping we get in early enough to check in and avoid the rush hour crush. At least, that was the plan.

I got to Osaka crazy early with a specific address in mind... "Super Potato". Universal consensus declares it the greatest retro gaming resale shop on the planet. And I had a souvenir in mind.

I got to Shin-Osaka station, rolled on up to the subway, confidently got my ticket for "K18" on the Brown Line, the closest one to the legendary "Den Den Town" and away I went. Only to find it closed. ARRRRGHHHH!!!! I pace around, looking at stores that WERE open anxiously waiting for Super Potato to open at 10.

Borrrrring....

"Oh thank you lord, for the bounty of which I'm about to receive."

And when it did open, it was everything that was promised. Wii, PS3, PSP, and XBox games were all downstairs. Interestingly, Xbox (as an American brand) is considered inferior and quarantined in the corner like a bad delivery of tuna.

(Falls to floor, crying)

(Craps pants)

Upstairs, on a floor obviously not designed for people taller than 5'5", was HUNDREDS of old systems... GameBoys, "Game and Watch" which was Nintendo's original portable system and never released in the US (retailing for 19800 yen... damn), Sega Dreamcast, TurboGrafix, I could go on and on. But I was after an original maroon and cream colored Famicom from Nintendo... the system that singlehandedly revived the video game genre after Atari imploded. Later released as the "Super NES", it's the system I grew up on and learned to love video games on.

And the cheapest (working) one was 12300 yen. I'm nostalgic, but not $130 kind of nostalgic. However, there was a Super Famicom (the Japanese version of the Super Nintendo) going for 3200 yen. It was like 100 yen less than some other ones in a stack and I asked why. Apparently, it didn't have an "Ha-chee Adapteru" (AC Adapter). Well, hell, you can find that anywhere. But I remembered reading a board about Den Den that recommended haggling on used equipment. Except my language skills aren't that strong.

I got a pen out and wrote "3000?" and the guy, looking like he didn't give a rat's ass, he just wanted to go back to playing whatever that super complicated J-RPG was in the corner nodded yes, took my money (along with another 1000 yen for the Japanese version of Mario Kart) and I was the proud owner of a piece of Den Den Town...

Purchase in hand, I went out to see what else was around...

There were shops full of parts from "God Knows Where"

And store after store of the most soul-crushing pornography you could ever hope to never watch.

So the next two stores I went into, one just said "Manga and Anime" and had Eminem blaring from the speakers overhead. I walked in, just to check it out, and the three girls at the counter looked up at me in complete shock. They were dressed in Schoolgirl outfits, except with short skirts and thigh high stripper boots. One anxiously explained that I had to be a "memberu" to be in there. And as a causcasian, I was CLEARLY not welcome. On the way out, I figured out why. Behind frosted glass was some cartoons, moaning, and the distinct smell of a Vegas Porn shop. (Ewwww...) Yeah, I totally walked into the wrong place. And I got my first taste of racial discrimination, which is always fun.

Safely away from that, I went into this brightly lit toy shop. I started snapping pictures, happy as a clam, when a guy in a security uniform told me "no kamera". So I put that away... I started climbing the levels of a six story toy store, and came across R/C Cars, Train Sets (their were a bunch of old business guys hanging out, smoking and drinking coffee, chatting with the counter guy in the train department. It was cool, like an hangout for old nerds)

I made it to the fourth floor, which was model cars, planes, boats and stuff. There was a BEAUTIFUL three foot long recreation of the Yamamoto Battleship from WII, and right next to it was...

A model of the Prinz Eugen. I started to get all excited, because I knew exactly what that was. It was in the same battlegroup as the Bismark and seriously harrassed British and Soviet troop carriers all over until it was surrendered to the British in Copenhagen, sailed by the Americans (with a crew that included my grandfather) to the South Pacific, where they used it to test Nuclear Weapons on. The cool thing is... it survived two of them.

Anyway, seeing my grandfather's ship, I immediately blurted out "Awesome!" and a clerk came out of nowhere to ask me if he could help. I just motioned and explained "Iie (No)... Ship... Ojiisan (grandfather)" He nodded and smiled, but it immediately occurred to me: Did I just accidentally say my grandfather was a Nazi sailor?

I then started to correct myself and possibly pull out my American Passport to prove "something" but I was stopped again by this question:

In the Japanese Culture, which is worse?

- A military that systematically executed 10 million Jews, Gays, Communists, Gypsies, and Political Prisoners. And these were their friends...

OR

-A military that ignited two miniature suns over this guy's country, vaporizing the towns below. And some members of the this military privately admit they did it for shits and giggles and to justify the billion dollar cost of developing it.

I decided to be ambiguous and leave it at that. Mostly I just wanted him to go away so I could quietly sneak a picture in and leave it at that. Man, I wish I had 135 bucks. That would be fun to put together... provided I could read the Japanese instructions.

"Nice haircut, fatass"

I don't speak Japanese, but I think these signs (which were all over, BTW) were for a chat line for "otaku" (Japanese nerds) to talk to girls.
My Digital Image tutor is a Gundam addict. When I told him I was going to Japan, he asked for a shirt and he could pay me back later. Problem was, I'm conserving cash and the cheapest shirt was 3500 yen, so i did get him some reminders that I was there. Anyway, this was a five story store of nothing but Gundam stuff.

(Confession: I honestly don't know anything about this or who Prince Zeon is. But the models WERE cool as all hell.)

I also walked around the Dotonburi, which is the big food part of town...

"I wonder what they sell here..."

Man, it smelled good. But I was still full of "hushed browns" from this morning.

Then I made my way to "America Maru" or "American Circle", which is where the hipsters of Osaka hang out and pretend to be us.

"Where is your gut? Your NASCAR gear? No, no, no, no.. You're doing it all wrong!"

"What in the hell do you call an Asian person pretending to be a White person pretending to be a Black person?"

"Our government strictly prohibits any private ownership of firearms, so this will have to do. This is tough, right?"

Of course you know THESE assholes would be here.

"Dear Japan, we eventually got wise to the fact this was a prank Australia played on the rest of the world. Immediately burn these, they make you look like you have the cankles of a hippopotamus."

"Man, I'm so bored of Shopping malls every five feet here..."

I got hungry around the station before I went home, so I looked for the longest line coming in, and found these...

SQUID BALLS!

Turned out to be delicious. Think a really nice dumpling/hush puppie hybrid with diced squid and scallions, covered in mayo and that sweet/smokey BBQ sauce that's everywhere in the Kansai region. Washed it down with Peach Iced Tea and I was on my way.

I was walking back to the shuttle for the hotel when this caught my eye. I sniffed around making sure there weren't a bunch of nerds "polishing their sword" (which is what it's called here) and...

I found Kobe's Brainstorm! Japan has a ton of manga and whatnot, but this is literally the only Western Comic Book store in the Kansai. People come in from Kyoto to pick up comics every week. Problem is, Diamond screws him over too, so delivery is spotty.

He specializes in toys, and apparently, there's an Anime Brian Urlacher doll...

Well, I made it back early, Dad was stuck in the meeting from Hell till 5:30, so we scrapped the Kyoto stop. Good thing we did, because we just made the last Shinkasen to Tokyo.

We're both tired, crabby (I got frustrated finding my way through the Shimbashi station on our way to the hotel, Dad keeps getting irritaed because I have the sniffles) and really just need to brush our teeth and put our jammies on. Tomorrow we do some Tokyo sight seeing and hit the Akihabara, Nerd Capital of the World.

And I've had THIS stuck in my head all day...